


People will stab you in the back and then ask why you're bleeding

by Rangergirl3



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-02-25 20:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13220595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rangergirl3/pseuds/Rangergirl3
Summary: When it turns out the new Red Paladin is part-Galra, Allura decides the best thing to do is ignore him as much as possible.But hostility has a way of making itself known, and when trust is broken, there's no easy fix.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set mid-way through Season 2 when Allura is not handling the fact that Keith is part-Galra well.
> 
> Don't worry, she does (eventually) make up for what happens in this fic...but meanwhile Keith goes through all kinds of emotional hell.

Keith was in the training room when he heard footsteps approaching. He turned, expecting to see Shiro or Lance, but instead, it was Allura.

She stopped, her expression hardening into barely concealed anger at the sight of him. 

Keith thought about just returning to his training, but he knew from the past few weeks that she didn’t like to interact even briefly with him. So instead, he just turned back around to the Gladiator and spoke. 

“End training session.”

As the robot deactivated, Keith walked over to the corner where he’d left his jacket, bent down, and picked it up. Careful not to turn his face towards Allura, he headed towards the door.

She didn’t try to come after him, or say anything.

He hadn't expected her too.

When he reached the doorway, he halted, half-turning back towards Allura so she could hear him clearly. 

“It’s all yours.”

He didn’t look at her when he spoke. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he knew that if he did, he would see the hate in her eyes that had been there ever since he’d returned from the Blade of Marmorra’s base with the knowledge that he was part-Galra.

He left without saying anything else. 

As he headed down the corridor, his communicator came on. 

_Emergency. Nearby distress signal located. Emergency. Emergency._

A few short moments later, Allura was running stiffly at his side, and together, they headed down to the planet’s surface in the Red Lion to find out who needed help.

The others were on another mission.

With Coran on the bridge, it left only the two of them to handle this distress call.

Neither of them spoke on the way down to the planet. 

Once, Keith glanced over at the Princess, but she pointedly ignored him, and he returned his attention to the distress beacon, so he could follow it and land the Lion.

People needed their help.

At least he and Allura could agree on that.


	2. Chapter 2

Down on the planet’s surface, they found yet another civilization that had been decimated by the Galra Empire, with the survivors left to fend for themselves against the wild animals that had encircled their half-destroyed village.

The beasts were large, feral, and cruel, stalking and killing anyone who dared leave the village to fetch water or food, and there were very few survivors left to save.

Keith offered to help fetch supplies, but Allura coldly pointed out that the few remaining natives were better off coming to the Castle until a more permanent solution could be found.

Dusk was beginning to fall, and it was clear the villagers could not withstand another attack from the beasts.

As the villagers stumbled into the Red Lion, Allura helped organize seating arrangements so they could take everyone in one trip. After a short time, she closed the ramp, and the interior lights came on.

“Are we all set?” Keith asked from the pilot’s seat. 

Allura ignored him, and he bit his lip, turning back to the view screen to scan the ramshackle houses for any remaining signs of life.

It seemed like everyone was out. No one remained in the village. 

But from behind him, he heard someone repeating a word - ‘Limni’. 

No, not just a word. 

It was a _name_.

It sounded like Limni was missing, and the villagers were trying to figure out where they had seen her last.

* * *

Keith turned back from the villagers and had the Red Lion scan for life signs again.

He didn’t want to leave anyone behind. The dusk was setting in, and the - okay he didn’t know _what_ they were actually called but he thought the term ‘wolves’ seemed accurate - were probably circling the village even now. 

The Red Lion was large, and strong, but she wasn’t as big as Black or Yellow. If enough wolves came at her at once, it might be enough to prevent them from taking off. 

Allura came to stand by him. 

“Everyone’s on board,” she said, still not looking directly at him. “We should go.”

He shook his head. “Limni’s not here.”

She did look at him, briefly. It was an annoyed kind of look, an angry one.

“Then we’ll come back for her _later_.”

Keith swallowed, not wanting to argue, but his instincts warned him that there wasn’t any time to waste. 

“If anyone’s left down here alone,” he said quietly, ‘they won’t make it until we return.”

Allura snapped at him. “Do you want to save these people or not, Keith?! We go, now, save these people, and _then_ we’ll come back. It's what’s best for everyone. The right call is go, now, while we still can.”

Keith didn’t look at her as he got up, fixing his helmet into place. 

“What’s _right_ ,” he said, “is not always the same thing as _easy_.”

He punched in the sequence code that allowed him to open the seal on the small outer door. 

“I’m going to go look for Limni,” he said. “I think I can get her before dusk if I hurry. If I’m not back in ten doboshes, have the Castle beam you back in.”

Allura snorted then, real anger in her voice. The fingers of one hand gripped the chair’s headrest and went white with pressure.

“Trying to play the _hero_ , are you?” she said. 

Keith swallowed but didn’t answer. He just cllimbed out of the door, sealed the hatchway, and stood up, turning his helmet’s scanner on, but keeping his comms off for a few more seconds. 

 _Why can’t you see beyond my bloodline,_ he asked the dead comms. _Shiro does. Why can’t you, Allura?_

Then he squared his shoulders, turned his comms on, and Allura’s face came into his line of sight on his comms screen. 

Her lips were pressed together, and her shoulders were tight with frustration.

“I’ve contacted the Castle,” she said. “Coran will be here in nine dobashes. You have five to find Limni, but then we’re leaving.”

Keith would have argued, but he knew it wouldn’t make a difference.

“If I can’t find Limni in that time, then you’ll have to leave without me,” he said before his mouth could check in with his brain. “I’m not leaving her down here alone.”

Allura’s voice grew colder. “ _Fine_.”

Keith wasn’t sure if he flinched at that, but he was already in mid-jump, trying to get a better view of the ravaged village. 

 _Galra did this_ , he thought. _These people have nothing, thanks to -_

He heard a faint cry, somewhere behind one of the half-collapsed houses. He jumped down from Red, began running towards the sound.

“Limni!” he shouted. “Limni, is that you?”

Even as he reached the house, he saw a flash of white cloth disappear around the corner of the building. 

“Limni!” he shouted again, putting on a burst of speed. “Limni, we need to go - come on, everyone’s waiting for y-“

Even as he rounded the corner, he saw the flash of white cloth again. 

It was a tiny figure, a child, and it was trying to break away from what had grabbed hold of it.

A wolf had caught part of her white cloak in the claws of one great paw, and it was dragging her towards its open jaws. 

In those last few seconds before he acted, Keith knew he couldn’t kill the wolf before it bit the girl. She was small, and a bite like that could be fatal, due to blood loss if nothing else. 

_But he could free the child._

Still sprinting, he took out his bayard, aimed, and threw it like a javalin.

Mid-air, it transformed into a sword, and it buried itself into the wolf’s paw.

It howled, and the girl managed to twist free of her cloak and stumble towards Keith.

He scooped the girl up into his arms, and even as he turned, he reached out with one hand, pulling his bayard free of the wolf’s paw, and then making sure he kept the bayard as far away from her as possible as he sprinted back towards the Red Lion.

She was a tiny thing, and very light, and he _knew_ he could make it back to Red before the time ran out. 

* * *

As he ran back the way he had come, he noticed the shadows around them had gotten darker, and the howls behind them were getting louder. 

“Allura!” he shouted into his comms. “I got her - the wolves are -”

Then he rounded the corner, and nearly ran into the five of them that had lain in wait for more prey to come.

“ _Fuck_!” he swore, and he deactivated his bayard sword and held the little girl tighter in his arms in his arms as he jumped, igniting his jetpack just in time to clear the snapping jaws. 

He landed on one of the half-destroyed roofs, and immediately began running across the town, jumping alley-ways and using his jetpack to help him keep his balance. 

Below him, the wolves bayed and howled for blood, and a few of the larger ones tried snapping  at his ankles as he finally landed on one of Red’s shoulders.

The little girl was shaking and crying in his arms, and he knew this was going to be really, really close. 

“It’s okay, LImni,” he told her. “I got you. It’s okay. It’s going to be fine.”

* * *

Over his comms, Allura was shouting at him to _hurry_ , and with the last of his jetpack fuel, he managed to land right by the hatch door just as a few of the wolves scrabbled onto the Red Lion’s back and began stalking towards them.

The hatch was sliding open. but it wasn’t going to be fully open in time.

Even as Keith realized this, the closest wolf pounced, but Keith was able to turn his back and take the blow without endangering Limni. 

He went to his knees, still facing the half-way open hatch, but he didn’t drop the little girl.

Allura was waiting below, ready to clamber through the hatch, but Keith pushed Limni towards the still-too-small opening and into Allura’s arms even as the wolf scrabbled on his back and tried to tear through the armor with its claws and teeth.

If he waited for the hatch to open, the wolf would get him, and then Limni. 

But if he was able to but some time, even just a few tics, the girl would be safe, and then Allura could climb out and help him.

_But not if he didn’t buy time._

* * *

“Get her inside!” he snarled at Allura. “Hurry!”

He didn’t wait for her to reply. Instead, he threw himself onto his side, away from the half-open hatch, away from the vulnerable Limni, but as he did so, the wolf’s weight pulled them both over the edge, and gravity took hold of them. 

Keith didn’t even have time to scream. When they both hit the ground, his head slammed so hard against the planet’s surface that his helmet shattered into pieces. 

He managed to rise to his knees and dislodge the now dead wolf from his back, but then he felt his leg pulled out from under him. He tried again to regain his footing, but the wolves' powerful, furry bodies were slamming relentlessly against him, pushing him down onto his back, worrying his arms and legs so that he was completely vulnerable.

The Red Lion seemed to rumble then, but Keith shouted at her not to open up the doors - there were too many wolves - they would rip the villagers to pieces if she did - 

_Allura was coming - Allura was coming - he just had survive for a few more tics -_

But the pack already had what they wanted, and they didn’t wait for Allura to arrive before tearing through the armor.

_They wanted his blood._

As the fangs began to tear at his skin, Keith threw his arms up to protect his throat, but as the teeth and claws continued to rip into him, he couldn’t help it. He cried out in pain and fear, and hoped that if he did die here, it would at least be quick. 

After what felt like _forever_ , he thought he saw a flash of white armor standing over him, and then Allura was pulling the animals away from him as fast as she could, flinging them clear of him. 

But even as she did so, Keith felt a few of the animals grip hold of his shoulders and drag him clear of the pack and even further away from Allura, as if they wanted him all for themselves, and before he could break free from them, another set of wolf jaws, horrible and strong and merciless, clamped down over the back of his neck and shook him violently from side to side, once, twice. 

His world went white with pain, and he thought he might have screamed.

If it wasn’t for the armor protecting his jugular vein, he’d already be dead.

Allura was only a few steps away, but he _still_ might die here. All it would take was enough pressure to break the armor, and then he’d have worse than the the cuts and bite marks that already bled down his neck.

Then there was a crunch of a wolf’s skull nearby, followed by something hot and wet splashing onto the side of his face, and he thought he heard someone telling a Castle to beam them all up, now, followed by a hum and a blue light around him, and then a sensation of floating, up and up and up into the sky.


	3. Chapter 3

“You were quite brave back there. Keith,” Coran said later that day. He finished cleaning the wound on the Red Paladin’s neck and stepped back, surveying his handiwork.

“And _lucky_ ,” Lance added. He scowled at Keith and leaned against the wall, his arms crossed in a grumpy-that-hsi-friend-had-almost-died- _again_ gesture. “Seriously, space wolves? Come on!”

Keith ignored his friend’s worried muttering, as usual. “It worked out,” he said. “Limni’s okay. The survivors can build another village somewhere else.”

He reached up and tried to scratch at the bandages. “ _God_ , that stings.” 

From where she sat nearby, Pidge tilted her head to one side. “Uh, Coran, is it supposed to sting?”

Coran shrugged. “I don’t think so - but maybe it’s because -”

He broke off, but Allura finished the thought for him. 

“He’s part- _Galra,_ Pidge _._ Altean medicine is bound to have effects on - _that_ kind of thing.”

Keith winced as if struck but didn’t look over at her. “’s not a big deal,” he mumbled, keeping his eyes on the floor. “Iodine’s hurt worse.”

Trying to lighten the tension in the room, Shiro offered him a water-packet. “Here,” he said. “You should drink something. You lost a lot of blood.”

Keith shook his head again, more slowly this time. “No. I’m fine.”

Shiro sighed. “Keith, come on.”

Grudgingly, Keith took the water packet and drank a small amount. He glanced up at Shiro and raised one eyebrow. 

“Happy, _Dad_?” he asked. 

Shiro rolled his eyes. “I am _not_ your father,” he said. “ _God_ , that would make me _old_.”

Keith smirked. “You _are_ old, Takashi.”

Shiro looked offended. “Am not.”

Keith nodded again, although the motion seemed to pain him. “Are too.”

Pidge got up, closing her laptop and stretching. “Aaaaand that’s where I decide to leave,” she said. “You kids have fun now.”

That got a chuckle from most of the room, although Allura stayed silent. 


	4. Chapter 4

A few days later, the Princess followed Keith out of the dining hall and caught him just as he was about to go into his room. She kept her words brief, clearly not wishing to spend any more time around him then necessary. She told him that the refugees needed reassurance and that Keith should join her as soon as he could to make a diplomatic appearance.

“And in the future, try not to need rescuing,” she told him. “I don’t want to have to make you another helmet or set of armor _every_ time we go out on a mission. It takes a _lot_ of time and uses up our limited resources.”

There was just enough bite in her tone to hurt, but Keith just looked away from her and nodded. 

“Sure, Allura.” he said. As she turned to leave, he added, almost tentatively, “And - and thanks - for - ”

She spared him a glance then. It was not quite hate-filled, but it seemed close. “I would have done so for _any_ Paladin,” she spat. “The universe needs Voltron. Losing it is a risk I do not wish to take.”

Keith swallowed at that. The implication was clear. 

 _I_ **_had_ ** _to save you. I did not_ **_want_ ** _to._

“Um…r-right,” he said, and despite his better judgement, he kept speaking. “…well…th-thanks a-anyway…”

Allura raised an eyebrow at that.

“Is that an _Earth_ custom?” she said, her words crisp, cold, and harsh. “To _repeat_ oneself?”

Keith shook his head, staring at the floor now, feeling the color rise to his face, wishing he had just shut up.

_Dammit, he always began to stammer when he was nervous. That’s why he didn’t talk much sometimes._

_He’d thought he’d been getting better at that, but…clearly not._

“N-no,” he managed. He was rapidly wishing he could sink through the floor and disappear. “-i-it’s - I just - just - uh - j-just -”

Allura turned her back on him and began to walk away.

“Perhaps it is a _Galra_ custom,” she said, the words sharp and harsh and meant to wound. “It would seem you should learn more about it. After all, you are already _very_ good at it.”

Keith made no move to follow her, and she pointedly kept walking away from him.

So she didn’t see him bite his lip after she was gone, or the tears that fell to the floor as he ducked into his room.

But Coran did.

He looked after Allura’s departing figure, and then at the closed door.

He felt his fingers curl into fists, and he had to remind himself that Allura was still young, and had much to learn.

Still, that did _not_ excuse her behavior towards Keith. 

Coran would have to talk to her later today. 

This could not go on. 


	5. Chapter 5

Inside his room, Keith went and sat down on the edge of his bed, trying to keep control of his emotions.

_Patience yields focus._

Allura was angry, especially when it came to the Galra.

 _He_ was Galra.

And that meant that she was angry at him.

It wasn’t fair, but it wasn’t because of him doing anything wrong - 

_\- or was it -_

No. 

No, he just had to give her space, give her time to work through her feelings. 

He could do this. He just needed to give her space.

He ran one hand over the bandages on his neck. 

Three days after the injuries, and the bites still - well, they didn’t sting - but it was more of an odd, tingling sensation.

It was strange, but not painful.

He hadn’t thought it was worth mentioning to Coran, especially since the Castle’s Advisor was rarely seen anywhere without Allura during the day, and the last thing Keith wanted was to approach Allura and Coran together. 

Keith tried to breathe in and out again, slowly, steadily, and wiped at his eyes. 

RIght. 

Go meet with the refugees. Reassure them. Tell them it was going to be okay.

He could do that. He would let Allura do most of the talking - but - but - uh - he could…

His mind wandered for a minute, but he forced it back to the matter at hand.

He could…see how Limni was doing. He’d been pretty out of it when they’d come back to the Castle, but just yesterday Shiro had told him Limni was safe, and back with her family, and even though she was still a bit shaken up, she was all right. 

Keith got up and stretched. He ached, and he felt a little too warm, but that was probably just a side-effect of the medication. He didn’t need to mention it to anyone.

 _It’s not a big deal,_ he told himself. _So what if I don’t feel so great right now? It’s just stress._


	6. Chapter 6

As Allura spoke with the village elders, Keith tried to ask one of them how Limni was doing, but it didn’t seem like any of the adults wanted to be seen talking to him.

“She’s fine,” the old women said, clearly attempting to end the conversation before it began. Her eyes were harsh and flat as she looked at Keith’s Red Paladin uniform, as if she were trying to imagine someone else it would suit better.

When her gaze moved to Allura and back to him again, Keith got the message. 

 _The Princess of Altea would make a **much** better Paladin than _ **_you._**

Keith swallowed, dropped his eyes to the floor, and tightened his one-handed grip on his Paladin’s helmet. He’d decided to bring it with him, more to have an excuse to leave if a message came over the comms than to wear it.

Now he wished he hadn’t brought it.

_He wished he hadn’t come at all._

Beside the woman, a little boy peeked up at Keith and waved up at him, almost shyly.

Despite his gloomy thoughts, Keith felt a smile cross his face, but when he raised his hand to wave back, the woman pushed her grandson behind her and said, very evenly, her eyes hard with something ugly,

“We know what you are, _Galra_.”

Keith felt himself go cold, and he reached up to wipe sweat off his forehead with a shaking hand. The room felt much too hot, and the lights were too bright.

_It was a bad idea to come here, he shouldn’t be here, he didn’t belong in the Castle at all, he’d thought he did but he was wrong -_

The woman’s lips curled into a tight, mirthless smile. “I _assume_ you thought you could act the hero _once_ and then we’d forget what your _kind_ have done to the universe over _centuries_?”

Keith knew he must be as white as paper, but he didn’t know what to say. 

_I’m more than my bloodline, and I’m fighting as best I can - but there’s just too much sometimes-_

* * *

“N-no, Ma’m,” he heard himself whisper. “That’s - that’s not what I thought.”

The woman in front of him threw back her head and gave a short, barking laugh that felt like a slap across the face.

“Oh, _really_? Then what _was_ your intention?”

At her side, the little boy looked back up at Keith again, genuine interest but no malice showing through his blue eyes. 

Seeing that look was just enough to help Keith ground himself back in the present, and answer the question as calmly and as simply as he could.

“To - g-get - s-someone out of d-danger, Ma’m,” he said. “I’m just - I’m just -”

 _God-damn_ **_stammer_ ,** _not now, not_ **_now_ ,** _he had to_ **_speak_ ,** _he couldn’t stammer_ **_now_ ** _-_

From across the room, he could feel Allura looking over at him, felt her anger and contempt flare across the room like an open grease fire on a stove, and the anxiety and pain at that knowledge made his stomach churn. He felt his breath quicken, as if he were afraid.

 _But he_ **_was_ ** _afraid, he was afraid of being alone, of being rejected, even though all he wanted to do was_ **_help_ ** _-_

He finished the sentence with an effort, hoping this would all be over soon so he could rest. His head hurt, and he felt far too warm now.

“g-glad Limni’’s o-k-kay.”

The woman’s eyes went flat again. 

“Only people worthy of _trust_ may speak our names,” she said. “Don’t think you’re entitled to that privilege just because - ”

Something Allura said to the dignitaries at that moment drew a rumble of laughter from the crowd, and as the woman gave her attention to what the Princess was saying, Keith took the opportunity to take a few steps away, so that he was closer to the corner of the room, out of Allura’s direct line of sight, so she couldn’t see how much he was messing this up.

_He was worthless, he was stupid, he wasn’t fit to be a Paladin, he should never have thought he was -_

* * *

The lights, the noise, the formless figures in front of him seemed to focus a malicious intent onto him, and it was all he could do to keep from shaking. 

 _He wasn’t scared, dammit, it made no sense to be scared, here, in the Castle, what did he think was going to happen, did he think someone would leap out of the crowd with a knife and stab him through the heart, that was_ **_stupid_ ,** _that was_ **_paranoid_ ,** _that was_ **_beyond_ ** _insane -_

There was movement in the crowd nearby, and he flinched before realizing it was Limni, along another child. They both looked to be under the age of five, and restless, and the two of them honed in on him with the restless energy of kids who were bored of official meetings and had seen something far more interesting.

With an effort, Keith pummeled the anxiety until it receded to the back of his mind, to the familiar background hum and buzz he’d lived with for years.

As Limni skidded to a stop in front of him, Keith smiled down at her, a genuine one this time.

_At least these kids didn’t mind being near him._

“Um - h-hey there,” he said, remembering just in time not to call Limni by her name. 

_Her culture valued trust, but he wasn’t worthy of trust, he never would be, it was stupid to think that anyone would ever trust him, given what he was -_

Limni bounced up and down in place. 

“Hi!” she said, and she elbowed her friend in the side as she pointed up at him.

“See, Nimri? He’s not scary!”

Keith felt confused for a second. He glanced behind him, but there was no one there.

 _Wait - she was saying_ **_he_ ** _wasn’t scary?_

The one called Nimri didn’t look convinced. 

“But he’s so _tall_ ,” she whispered, trying to hide behind her friend. “That’s _kind_ of scary.”

Keith blinked, then realized that compared to little kids, he _was_ pretty tall.

* * *

“A-actually,” he said, wishing again that he could get the words out without stammering, “-I’m - I’m not - not - _that_ t-tall.”

He went down onto one knee, placed his Paladins’ helmet down on the ground, and put one of his hands on top of his head. 

The little kids looked at him curiously, but then when he pointed at them, showung them they were just about the same height now, their eyes went bright with delight.

His words came a little easier after that. Not much, but a little.

“S-see?” he asked. “Same h-height.”

He pointed to the helmet at his side. 

“The - h-helmet - makes me l-look t-taller,” he said. “But - uh -”

He blinked, feeling nervous. 

_But there wasn’t any reason to be nervous, he was just - talking - but -_

Limni giggled and whispered to her friend, who nodded, beaming in turn.

“You’re nice - _and_ funny,” she said. “I like you.”

Limni grinned at him. 

“Can I try on your helmet?” she asked. “I want to be a Paladin one day!”

Keith grinned back at them. 

The room was still too hot, and the lights were still too bright, but at least these two little girls didn’t think he was a bad guy.

“Sure,” he said, and he picked up his helmet and offered it to Limni.

She took it and put it enthusiastically over her head.

“This is so _cool_!” she said a few ticks later. Her voice was slightly muffled, but clearly she was enjoying this. “ _Everything’s_ got read-outs!”

She swiveled her head from side to side, and the helmet swung so comically Keith couldn’t help but chuckle. His words came even easier after that.

“Yeah,” he said. “Its’ - it’s how we look for stuff.”

She took off the helmet and offered it back to him. He took it, offered it to her friend Nimri, but Nimri didn’t take the helmet. 

“I don’t want to a Paladin,” she explained. “I want to be a _Princess_!”

Keith felt something in his heart twinge at the thought of Allura’s face whenever she looked at him now, but he hoped the smile he gave Nimri looked just as genuine as before.

“…oh…?” he asked, wishing he could glance over at Allura without knowing like she would only glare back at him. 

Nimri clapped her hands together in excitement. “ _Yeah_! She just punched all those wolves and it was so _cool_!”

Limni flapped one hand in a ‘eh’ kind of way. 

“But _Paladins_ have _swords_!” she said, and at that, Keith felt his smile touch his eyes, and a little more of his confidence return with it.

“J-just me, actually,” he said. “My friends - they have different bayards - it’s - pretty cool -”

* * *

But before he could continue, four adults began to push their way through the crowd, and Keith felt his pulse begin to quicken, felt it _pound_ throughout his entire body, a drumbeat that hurt.

_Oh, **shit** , they wouldn’t want their kids talking to him, the girls would get in trouble, shit, shit, **shit** -_

“Uh - are you okay?” Limni asked, and Keith looked at her to see her eyes had gone wide in puzzlement. “You look like you’re sick.”

Nimri gasped in concern and reached out a hand. “Oh! If you’re sick, you should tell your mom!”

Keith flinched at the words even as he twitched backwards at the motion, and then realized Nimri had been trying to put her hand on his forehead to check his temperature.

He managed another, weaker smile at them both as he got to his feet. It was harder than it should have been. His left foot felt as if it were made out of lead. His heart, too.

“I’m okay,” he said, and he tried to sound like he was. “I’m just - tired.”

Limni pointed at the helmet he now held. 

“Is that a new one?” she asked, still clearly and keenly interested in her self-proclaimed future occupation. “It doesn’t _look_ like the same one you had when you rescued me.”

Keith nodded. _Gods, his head was pounding now_.

“…yeah…” he managed. “ ’s new - actually - “

He half-laughed. “- ha - actually -you’re the first one to put it on, kid - so - uh -”

Just then, the adults reached them, and to Keith’s surprise, they didn’t immediately shun him.

Instead, they started telling him how grateful they were for - for -

* * *

But it was then that Keith felt the room tilt and whirl underneath him. and he tried to cover it by taking a few casual steps backwards so he could lean against the wall for support.

It worked, for a little while, but he was glad when everyone’s attention was diverted to Allura, and he was left alone again.

He reached up, felt his forehead, was shocked at how warm it was. 

_Shit, I hope I didn’t get the kids sick - Coran - I’ll - I’ll go and tell Coran - and - he can - make sure - they’re okay -_

But when he tried to straighten up so he could go look for Coran, the room whirled and tilted about him yet again and he had to freeze into place and close his eyes so he didn’t fall down.

He didn’t want to fall down, he didn’t want to call attention to himself, he just wanted to get out of here and find Coran, or Shiro, and _get out of here_ , because - because he didn’t feel good - he felt - _awful_ - 

Just then, Allura’s voice sounded right next to his ear, angry, annoyed, impatient.

“What is _wrong_ with you?”

He tried to answer her, but his voice wouldn’t come for a few seconds. 

“-s-sick,” he finally managed to croak, and he heard a snort of disgust at his side. 

“Of _course_ you are _now_ ,” she hissed in his ear, and then her long strong fingers grabbed hold of his arm and began to not-so-subtly drag him towards what he assumed to be the door leading out of the room.

But he was wrong. 

* * *

They came to a halt, and someone pressed a glass of - liquid - into his hand, and Allura hissed at him to try and pull himself together because he had to at least _act_ like a Paladin of Voltron -

 _He_ **_was_ ** _\- trying - he was -_ **_trying_ ** _\- but - he wasn't thirsty, he just needed to get out of here, he needed to get out, he needed to get away -_

He pushed the glass away, back into the hand that had offered it to him, and he wished he could explain, but he didn’t feel good, not at all, and he _really_ needed to get out of here -

“…Sorry…” he managed, and he finally managed to focus his eyes long enough to scan the room, find the door, and start walking towards it.

Allura was keeping pace with him, still hissing words at him in an angry sort of way, but he tuned her out. 

It wasn’t hard.

All the noise around him was fading in and out - the crowd’s whispers, Allura’s increasingly frustrated snippets of sound, even the sound of his own breathing was hard to hear, but he only got about half-way across the room when the old woman from before got in his way.

“ _There_ you are,” she said, and Keith tried to avoid her, but she stood her ground and unless he shoved her out of the way she wasn’t going to let him get past her.

“You,” the old woman said, pointing at Keith, “should let _her_ -” here she pointed to Allura, “be the Red Paladin.”

The demand was so abrupt that it shocked Keith back into full awareness, at least for the moment. 

All sound in the room had died away.

He looked between Allura and the old woman, and saw…

 _Nothing_.

Allura’s face expressed _nothing_.

* * *

He tried to say something, anything, but before he could, the old woman continued. 

“It is a _disgrace_ for one of _Galra_ descent to pilot the same Lion that King Alfor did. A _dishonor_. An _outrage_ to anyone with half a heart.”

There was a mutter of agreement from the crowd, a rising murmur of consent. Only a few people looked uncertainly about them, as if they were looking for others who might think differently.

Keith swallowed, then looked back at the Princess of Altea again, wishing for something, _anything_ , that might show she disagreed with the council elder, that at least Allura thought he was worth something as a Paladin of Voltron - 

_Alllura - please -_

Still, Allura did _nothing_. She said _nothing_. She gave _no_ indication of support.

All she did was turn her head away from him, and Keith could feel the eyes of everyone in that room fix upon him, and him alone, and the weight of their gaze was as heavy as stone.

 _Unworthy pilot, insult to King Alfor’s memory, Galra scum, pretender, imposter, spy, snake, glory seeker,_ **_traitor_ **

All of Keith’s fear, confusion, anxiety, and pain crashed down on him in that instant.

The world narrowed down into a point of white and a single instinct that screamed inside his mind.

**_Run._**

* * *

He turned away from Allura, from all the rest of them, and threw himself at the door, telling himself that it was fine, he could do this, he could take one step, and then another, and before he knew it he was away from them all, out of the room, and half-way down the corridor.

As he went, he heard voices from - a nearby room - the other Paladins - Coran - 

He remembered that he had a fever, that Coran needed to know, so he could - make sure - the little girls were okay - but -

_but - not now - he couldn't talk to anyone right now -_

He managed to stagger back to his room, and wrote Coran a note, left it on his desk, where anyone could see it, and could make sure Coran got it.

He left his armor and his helmet there too, right by the note, just in case - just in case they needed to form Voltron, and he wasn’t there.

The only thing he took with him when he left his room were the things he’d brought with him.

His clothes, his knife, his boots. 

That was it.

* * *

He headed down the corridor, feeling empty, hollow, dull and grey.

He needed to hide. 

Somewhere, anywhere. 

It didn’t matter, just so long as no one could find him for awhile.

It didn’t have to be long, just…long enough for him to figure out what to do.

_Allura deserved to be the Red Paladin. Not him._

That was - okay - that was - fine - maybe he could - leave - maybe - maybe he could join - the Blade - or - something - take a shuttle - or a pod - or something -

Behind him in the corridor, someone called his name.

It was hard to tell who.

_Don’t look back. Don’t look back._

The voice called his name again, and he recognized it this time.

_Allura._

He knew she hated him already, he didn’t need to hear it from her again, so he broke into a run, one that would take him out of her sight as fast as possible.

He felt sick, so _sick_ , and his head hurt and he wanted to just disappear, because that was what would be best for Voltron, for Allura, for everyone, he _never_ should have thought he belonged here, he didn’t belong anywhere, he never had, he never would, he had to run - he had - to run-

He wasn’t sure how long he ran, or what path he took, but an endless time later, he found himself standing in front of the Red Lion, sweating and gasping for air, his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.

He didn’t know if anyone was following him, but he knew, deep in his bones, that he needed a place to hide.

 _Red,_ he said inside his mind, _I know - I know I’m not - Alfor - but - but I - I need - to hide - please - just this once - please - if - if you -  if we - I - please -_

The Lion didn’t answer.

Keith gulped in air for a few more moments, hoping that his Lion would respond. 

Still nothing. 

Keith felt a sob rise in his chest, and he wiped his face with the back of one hand, trying _so_ hard not to cry.

“Red,” he croaked. “ _Please._ ”

Still nothing.

_It was as if Red had taken another Paladin already._

Keith tried to breathe, found it was harder than it should have been, because now, he was well and truly and utterly _alone_.

His whole life, he had tried to get away from the voices screaming inside his mind, tried to escape the wrenching, tearing pain inside his heart, but knew from long experience that all he could do was _get away_ from everything when it hurt the worst.

People led to pain.

They always did.

He’d tried to make friends, he’d tried to belong, but in the end, people didn’t want him.

If he could get away from people, even for a short time, he could dull the pain, at least enough to survive - because he knew he could survive on his own, he’d done it before, back in the desert, and he could do it again -

 _No one wanted him, no one had ever wanted him to stay, he wasn’t important enough, he wasn’t enough, he just wasn’t_ **_enough_ ,** _and nothing he did or said could change that -_

But now even _Red_ didn’t want him, and that hurt worst of all, and he couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.

Keith crumpled into a broken heap, buried his face into his hands and sobbed because his heart was breaking and nothing could fix what was broken, nothing could fix this awful ache inside his heart that never, _ever_ stopped -

Voices behind him, voices calling his name.

 _No,_ he told himself, _no, I don’t want them to see me like this, please, Red, please, I need to hide - I need to hide - please -_

But Red didn’t make any motion, so Keith tried to get up, to hide somewhere, anywhere, but it was already too late.

His entire body hurt and burned with fever, and all he could hope for was that he wasn’t contagious - or that if he was, that Coran could come up with a vaccine to help the two little girls he’d talked to.

Multiple pairs of footsteps pounded in the hallways, getting closer, and Keith just curled into himself, tucking his arms in tight against his chest, hiding his face in his jacket as best he could, because if anyone came in here, he didn’t want them to see his face. 


	7. Chapter 7

After Keith had run down the corridor and disappeared from her sight, Allura had gone immediately to Coran, Shiro and the other Paladins.

Once she’d explained what had happened, there was a stony silence in the room for almost five breaths.

Shiro’s eyes were as hard as flint, and she knew she had earned his extreme displeasure. When he spoke, his voice was flat and cold.

“I expect you to make a full apology to Keith once we find him,” he said, and although his tone was even and controlled, she sensed the anger and concern for Keith’s well-being in it. 

She nodded fiercely, feeling tears well up in her eyes, but she brushed them quickly away. 

“I had no right to be so cruel,” she said, still looking at the floor. “Please, I need your - all of your - help to find him, and - and I _must_ apologize to him.”

When Pidge spoke up, her voice was as hard and sharp as a steel blade coated in ice.

"You'd _better_."

Allura swallowed, wishing she could take away what she’d done, but knowing that she could not. She glanced up at them again before looking back down at the floor.

“I have _no_ excuse for my past actions towards a member of our team - and - and I _need_ your help to make it right. Please. I _want_ to make this right.”

Shiro’s balance shifted, and when she glanced back up at him, he seemed to be thawing, just a little, towards her.

“All right,” he said. “Let’s search the Castle for Keith. I’ll head to his room. Coran, check the training deck. Pidge, Hunk, sweep the corridors. Once we check those places, we’ll meet at the Red Lion. Lance - ”

Lance jumped to his feet at once. 

“- we’ll need you to help Allura make conversation with the refugees while we look for Keith. Keep it light, and don’t engage if -”

“-if people are jerks about Keith’s bloodline,” Lance said. He pulled his helmet onto his head and secured it in place. “Gotcha.”

* * *

Shiro found the note, gave it to Coran, but he was still the first one to get to the Red Lion.

When he saw Keith lying on the floor, he ran the last several yards. As he ran, he called his friend’s name, but Keith didn’t seem to hear him.

The Red Paladin just lay curled up on the floor, with his arms tucked in tight against his body, and his legs drawn up so he took up as little space as possible. He was shivering, and his face was hidden in his jacket.

When Shiro tried to help him sit up, Keith only tightened in on himself more, and muttered something about being contagious.

Shiro tried to laugh. He couldn’t really manage it, but he tried all the same.

Keith always worried about others before himself, but his shyness didn’t really allow him to say so unless he wasn’t ‘all there’. 

Keith was definitely not ‘all there’ at the moment.

So, Shiro was going to be very patient and kind, just like Keith needed right now.

* * *

“Keith, you’re not contagious,” he said. He managed to lay his left hand on Keith’s forehead and felt the heat of a fever.

“Okay,” he amended. “Maybe you are. But I’m sure we can fix it.”

Keith stirred at that. Glazed purple eyes glanced up at him, then closed again. 

“Note,” Keith muttered. He was still shivering. “K-kids. T-two g-g-girls.”

Shiro nodded even though Keith couldn’t see him. 

“We got your note. Coran’s checking with the girls and their parents to make sure they’re okay.”

He smoothed some of Keith’s hair back from his face. “You did good, buddy. They’ll be fine.”

Keith had begun to shake from head to foot now. “G-g-glad,” he mumbled.

Shiro frowned. He didn’t like this fever, or the way Keith was stammering.

Keith’s stammer got worse when he was anxious, or sick, or exhausted. 

“Keith,” he said, and he tried to keep his voice calm, even though alarms had started going off inside his head. “Keith, how long have you felt - sick? Like this?”

Keith’s teeth were still chattering, even though he was doused in sweat. “C-c-couple of d-d-days...b-but the-b-b-bites don’t - h-hurt-”

Shiro’s blood went cold. He checked the bandage on his friend’s neck.

The bite marks seemed to be healing just fine…but…underneath the cleanly healing scar tissue, the veins were dark and swollen. 

_Oh, shit._

Shiro thought about all that they didn’t know about space, about alien life forms and strange infections and most of all, about diseases that could kill humans without any regard for science or technology.

“Buddy,” he said, trying very hard to keep calm and stay in control of the fear that pulsed through him. “Buddy, I need to get you to the infirmary, okay? I need to get you there right now.”

Keith seemed to be slipping into unconsciousness, but Shiro went on. 

“I’m going to carry you, all right? Just like when you were little and you fell asleep waiting for me to get back from night school, okay?”

He wrapped Keith’s jacket around him again, so his friend could stay as warm as possible, and carefully lifted him up into his arms.

"Remember? I kept telling you to just get to bed but you refused to listen to me. Not that much has changed since we were kids-"

At first, Keith made a small noise of disagreement, but then he went silent and pressed the side of his face against Shiro’s shoulder.

Something in the sight made Shiro feel both older, and younger, and sad, and protective, all at once.

“Hang in there, buddy,” he said. He made sure he was supporting Keith’s neck before he started walking. “I’m going to get you some help, okay?”

 The Black Paladin left the bay and headed down the corridors towards the infirmary. On the way, Coran joined him.

“The girls are fine,” he said in answer to Shiro’s unasked question. “Whatever this is, it is definitely _not_ contagious. No one else is in danger.”

Shiro felt his heart stutter at those words. No one _else_. 

_Just Keith._


	8. Chapter 8

Coran must have seen the fear in the Black Paladin’s eyes because he tried to sound encouraging after that. 

“Got some information that may help us,” he said as Shiro gently laid Keith down on one of the examination tables. “The parents said that sometimes the wolf bites could infect the blood - and -”

Coran stopped talking as Keith twitched and blinked his eyes a few times, very sleepily.

“…iro…?” he slurred, trying to keep his eyes open long enough to see where he was. “…what’s…goin…on…?”

Shiro laid a hand on Keith’s head again. 

“It’s okay, buddy,” he said. Maybe if he said it often enough, he could make it become true. “You’re sick, and we’re going to help you get better.”

Keith frowned at that, as if confused. “…sick…?” he mumbled. Then his eyes flew open and he sat bolt upright. Both Coran and Shiro jumped in place, shocked and concerned at how Keith was staring straight in front of him, eyes wide and unfocused.

“The kids,” Keith gasped. He seemed to be growing confused, scared, even terrified. He tried to swing his legs over the side of the table, but Shiro pushed him back until he was lying down again, and Coran explained that the children were fine, that they were in no danger.

Keith became calmer, as if he understood, but a few moments later, he seemed distressed again. 

“Shiro, let me up,” he said, but Shiro shook his head and kept his friend still. 

“I can’t do that, Keith. You can't even stand - just - lie down and try to rest, all right?”

Keith shook his head and tried to break away. “I can’t, I _can’t_ , I have to get out of here -“

He seemed to be talking to himself, and Shiro glanced over at Coran.

"What do we do?" he asked, and Coran pointed to the medical restraints nearby.

"He's clearly becoming agitated," Coran said. "And we can't find out what's wrong with him unless I can take a blood sample."

Shiro glared at Coran.

"And you think that cuffing him to the bed is going to _help him feel less agitated in the meantime_?" He snarled. "Isn't there anything else we can try _first_?"

But Keith was still trying to get up, and Coran shrugged helplessly.

"We don't have time, Shiro," he said. "I wish we did - but -"

“I _have to get out_ ,” Keith said again, and to his horror Shiro saw that tears were flooding down Keith’s face. “I can’t stay here, I can’t, I _can’t_ -”

But as Shiro tried to reassure him, Keith only shook his head and tried to sit up again.

“You don’t _understand_ , I’m - I’m _Galra - Shiro -_ Shiro, they -“

His voice caught in his throat and he seemed about to start crying.

“-they took your arm, Shiro, I can’t - I can’t be here - they’ll come and find me and - and hurt you again - I can’t - I _can’t_ put you in danger - please - please just let me go - _please_ -”

But Shiro only shook his head and kept his friend’s shoulders firmly pinned down as Coran finally secured Keith’s wrists to the bed-rails with the medical restraints.

"I can't," he said. "I can't, Keith - listen, you need to calm down, okay? We're going to help you - it's okay -" 

As Coran came to stand by his side with the syringe, Keith seemed to come back to reality, just enough to be confused and scared at what he saw.

“Shiro - w-what - what’s going on - I - I don’t -”

When he caught sight of the syringe, Keith tried to shrink away from it, but with Shiro’s help, Coran managed to take the necessary sample from the correct vein on Keith's left arm.

Then, to Coran’s dismay, Keith was looking up at him not only in dazed confusion, but _fear_.

“ _Coran_?” he asked, and his voice broke as he said it. “…you..you hate me t-too…?”

Coran thought he’d be able to explain that he didn’t, that he never would in a thousand quintents, but his voice just wouldn’t come.

* * *

When Coran didn't answer, pain, devastation, and loss showed in Keith’s eyes, and then he'd turned away from both Coran and Shiro.

"...right..." he said. "...okay...guess...I guess I should have...seen that one...coming..."

Coran tried to tell him it was fine, but before he could speak, Keith had set his jaw and began pulling and twisting at the restraints that kept his wrists fastened to the sides of the bed.

“Keith!” Shiro hissed, trying and failing to keep his voice even and reassuring. “Keith, stop it, you need to stop, you’re going to hurt yourse-”

But the Red Paladin only fought harder, the sweat beading his skin and his eyes now clenched tight shut as if he couldn’t bear to look at either of them anymore.

“Let me _go_ ,” he growled, and he tried kicking out, but Coran had already activated the other two restraints, and when he felt them pull tight against his ankles, Keith’s eyes shot open and he stared down his body in rising terror. 

“ _No_ ,” he whispered, and he looked around him as if he was trying to see where the next threat was coming from, but before he could completely panic Shiro had grabbed hold of his face and was looking him straight in the eye. 

“ _Keith_ ,” he said, and he really had to try not to cry, because Keith looked so scared and young and it hurt to see him so afraid, “Keith, listen, you’re confused, but it’s okay, we’re not going to hurt you, all we want to do is help you, please, it’s okay, I’m right here, no one is going to hurt you, I _swear_ -“

Just for a second, it seemed like Keith was listening. His arms twitched, as if he were thinking about trying to wrest free again, but after a moment, he locked gazes with Shiro and swallowed.

Keith was clearly still scared, terrified, even, but when he spoke, his voice was just steady enough to convince Shiro that Keith had chosen to trust him.

“…o-k-kay…” he said, and Shiro felt so relieved that Keith had chosen to _trust_ him. That meant a lot, coming from Keith.

“Okay,” Shiro said. He pressed his forehead against Keith’s, wishing he could just fix this, but knowing he couldn't.

“It’s going to be okay. We’re going to figure this out, all right? You've got this, Keith. You're going to make it through this.”

Keith just closed his eyes again. huffed out a tired breath, and pulled away again. 

"Don' wanna get you sick," he said. Then he glanced down and tugged half-heartedly at the wrist restraints again.

“Do I - ”

His breath caught and Shiro listened hard, so he could hear the words.

“D-do I - really - need - th-these?” he asked, and Shiro wished he could just remove them now, without any hesitation, but instead, he nodded, once, but tried to soften the blow by smiling a teary smile at his friend.

“Yeah,” he said. “But it won’t be for too long, okay? And I’ll be here the entire time.”

He put his cybernetic hand on one of Keiith’s. 

“I promise.”

Keith tried to nod again, but he didn’t quite manage it. Instead, he only shut his eyes and put his head back against the pillow.

“…okay…” he said, and he sounded so tired, Shiro was amazed his adopted brother was still awake. 

_But that was Keith for you. Always doing the unexpected._

A few moments later, once Keith had drifted into a restless sleep, and Shiro turned back towards Coran.

“Any news?” he asked, and he felt his pace quicken as Coran looked back at him.

“Nothing good,” Coran replied in a low tone.


	9. Chapter 9

It seemed the infection had spread to Keith’s bloodstream, and all they could do was administer an antidote and hope it was enough to undo the damage that had already begun.

But even as the others stayed by the Red Paladin's bedside, Allura refused to rest until she had spoken to every one of the elders in turn.

The old woman, who had proclaimed that _Allura_ should be the Red Paladin instead of Keith, had been the most reluctant to help - but Limni’s parents had insisted she give the boy any help she could, for saving their daughter from the wolves. 

Finally, the old woman, who was also the village’s most knowledgeable healer, stormed into one of the rooms adjacent to her temporary quarters and glared down at the readouts Coran had provided her.

At first, Siyni - for that was the healer’s name -  only shook her head and handed the documents back to Allura.

“There is nothing more you can do,” she said shortly. “If the usual dose of the antidote does not begin to work within the next hour, he is done for.”

Allura took the documents back as if in a trance. Every diplomatic bone in her body told her to accept this prognosis and take it back to the Infirmary. 

But everyone was waiting for her there.

Coran.

And Shiro. And Lance. And Hunk. And Pidge. 

And…

Keith was waiting there, too.

She’d last seen him there, unconscious, and slipping away.

He was relying on her.

And if she failed him, she might never be able to apologize. 

He would never know just how sorry she was for her past actions towards him.

* * *

At that thought, the Princess of Altea bit her lip and felt tears come into her eyes.

Siyni came to her feet at once, asking Allura what was the matter? Had she been infected by that - _person_? Did she require aid?

Allura shook her head and cleared her throat.

“I know you have strong opinions about - about the current Red Paladin,” she said, and she saw Siyni nod in vehement agreement. 

“But,” she went on, resolute in her decision, “I - I must ask you to _try_ to help him _._ ”

Siyni raised one white eyebrow. “Really? Why is _that_?”

Allura swallowed again.

“Because - because Keith is more than just his bloodline.” 

As she spoke, Allura felt steel enter her voice.

“And - and he is more than just a Paladin of Voltron.”

She straightened and looked the old healer directly in the eye.

“He is my friend, and I - I don’t - I don’t want to lose him.”

Siyni pursed her lips thoughfully. 

“If I remember correctly,” she said slowly, “It seemed that you felt differently not even an hour ago. What makes this - ”

She glanced down at the papers, her brow furrowing as she pronounced the name. “- this _Keith_ \- so important to you?”

She looked back up, her lip slightly curled in what could only be described as a puzzled expression. “I’m _certain_ he is not the _only_ one who could pilot the Red Lion.”

The old healer raised her eyebrows meaningfully at Allura as she finished her thought.

“ _Surely_ there is _someone_ who could take his place, if he should fall.”

* * *

Allura felt her vision tunneling to red, and her cheeks flushing scarlet. 

It was not only because the words filled her with anger and repulsion.

It was because a little voice in her mind had said something very similar when she had seen the swarm of wolves attack Keith as he lay stunned and helpless on the ground, as he had cried out and thrown his arms over his face and neck to protect himself.

 _Let him die_ , the little voice had said. H _e means nothing to you. He disgraces your father’s legacy. Let him die, and then you can take his place._

For an awful instant, she had listened to that voice. She had not moved to help him, even as the wolves howled and tore into him, and he screamed again in pain and fear. 

Then pride, and fury, and bitter anger had fueled her actions, and she had barreled forwards and thrown the wolves aside.

But not before Keith had sustained serious - perhaps now fatal - injuries.

_All because she had been angry at him for something that was not his fault._

And even after that, she had done wrong by him. She had reveled in the ugly, gleeful pride she had felt when the villagers had said _she_ should be the Red Paladin. After all, it was _her_ right, _her_ privilege, and he had no right to what was _hers_.

But something had kept her from looking at Keith just then, kept him from seeing the contempt in her eyes.

All the same, her silence had made her thoughts as clear as crystal.

Even as Keith had turned and stumbled out of the great room, she had felt a harsh pride in her victory against the part-Galra who had dared to - 

 ** _Dared_** _to save a child’s life at the risk of his own,_ a voice said. It was a voice she had never heard before, and it startled her. It went on, a Lion’s growl. **_Dared_** _to thank you for saving his life._ ** _Dared_** _to stand by your side, both in battle and in council, and to look to_ ** _you_** _, his_ ** _friend_** _, for support when others attacked him._

She stood frozen in one spot as she listened to that voice, because it was -

It was - the Red Lion.

It was the Red Lion, and she was - she was _ashamed_ of Allura.

That knowledge laid bare the true ugliness of her recent interactions with Keith.

_He had tried to thank her for her help, and she had mocked him for how he had tried to say it._

_She had ignored his pain, and berated him for injuries she had had a part in inflicting._

_And_ **_then_ ,** _she had stood by as his value to the team was called into question, and done_ **_nothing_ ** _to gainsay those accusations._

_Gods._

_She had all but called him worthless._

But…actions spoke louder than words…and…that meant…

 _He_ **_knew_ ** _what she, at her worst, truly thought of him._

**_Gods._**

With an effort, Allura had brought her full attention to bear upon the old woman standing in front of her, the rest of the refugees listening intently.

“Well, Princess?” the old woman had asked. “What say you?”

“I - I have to - please, excuse me,” Allura had said, and she had immediately left the room, searching for Keith.

She had wandered the corridors, but when she had at last seen him, and called to him, he had run from her, like an animal escaping a hunter.

_But then, what reason did he have for seeing her as anything else?_

That’s when she’d hurried to where the other Paladins and Coran had been, and asked for their help.

* * *

Now, she stood in front of the old healer yet again, and she desperately needed to make this right with Keith.

He hadn’t deserved any of the harm she had done to him. 

She _had_ to make this right.

The Princess of Altea pressed her lips together and answered the question the healer had posed, both in the past, and now.

“No one can take his place.”

The old healer sighed. “Child,” she said, “I have lived long, and seen much. There is always another.”

Allura shook her head again, more vehemently. 

“No,” she said. “It is not the same.”

* * *

Siyni sighed again, glanced down at the papers Allura still held. For a breathless instant, neither woman spoke.

Then the old woman got to her feet again. 

“I will need to see the patient,” she said. “And we must hurry, if this is to do him any good.”

She pointed at the door with her walking stick. “Lead the way, young one.”

Allura clutched the papers tightly in her fist. 

“Thank you,” she said. “I -”

The old woman grumbled as she limped out of the room and made a shooing motion for Allura to hurry up. 

“I am not doing this for _him_ ,” Siyni said, but her voice was not as bitter as before. “I am doing this for you, and your father.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to write what I thought might happen given the situation, but I have no medical experience
> 
> aka 
> 
> 'Dammit, Jim, I'm a writer, not a doctor'

When they reached the Infirmary, Pidge was the one to open the door. 

Her eyes were red, and for an awful instant, Allura feared they were too late.

“He’s - he’s not - doing well,” Pidge croaked. She turned and shuffled back to her seat, where she sat down, curled into a miserable ball, and wrapped her arms around her legs.

The healer hastened into the room and came to stand beside Coran.

“Tell me what is happening,” she said. “Quickly.”

As the two of them spoke, Allura fixed her attention onto Keith.

He was almost half-awake, but he was sweating, and he didn’t seem to know exactly where he was. 

“Not safe,” he said, over and over. “Not safe.”

Hunk was there at the bedside, holding his hand, trying to say reassuring things, and Shiro sat right next to Keith’s head, and his gaze was fixed onto something in the far distance.

When Allura came closer, Lance told her what was happening. 

“Keith’s - um - he’s - he’s hallucinating.”

Allura looked around at the other Paladins. They all seemed very grim, and she felt her heart sink. 

“Is that - is that very bad?” she asked in a whisper. 

* * *

As if in answer, Keith seemed to hear something none of them could, something painful, something that made him squeeze his eyes shut and try to hide his face in his arm. 

“Make it stop,” he said, but it was barely audible. “Please - Shiro - _please_ \- it’s too loud - please - my head - it _hurts_ \- please -“

Shiro smoothed Keith’s hair again. “It’s okay, buddy. I’m right here. It’s going to be okay.”

Keith’s muscles were standing out of his neck, and he twisted from side to side, unable to get away from what was hurting him, unable to find rest. 

“It’s _not_ , it's _not_ ,” he whimpered, and Siyni glanced up from the charts to look at him, her eyes going wider he kept asking Shiro to make the noises _stop_.

“What - what he goes through - in hallucinations - feels real to him,” Hunk said to Allura, and he looked very tired all of a sudden. 

“And - and there’s only so much we can do - to help him if it’s - if it’s a bad one.”

Allura didn’t understand. There was barely any noise in the room at all - surely Keith’s hearing could not have become so sensitive as to hear the workings of the Castle itself -

But Lance was explaining to her that hallucinations were - were things that felt real to Keith, but not to the rest of them.

“So he’s - he’s imagining it?” she asked, not quite understanding. Lance’s eyes furrowed into a glare that was truly daunting to see.

“ _No_!” he spat, and then he regained control of himself. “This - this sickness - we think it's attacking his brain. It’s eating it away - and so the brain is - is sending off all kinds of wrong signals - and - and it’s hurting him.”

From only a few feet away, Keith stopped begging Shiro to make the noises stop, and for an instant, Allura thought that perhaps the antidote was already helping their friend.

But when she looked over at Siyni, the healer’s face was grim. 

"It's not enough," she said to Coran. "I think we need to-"

But now Keith’s breaths were coming harsh and short, and his eyes were open, staring, and scared. He looked around the room as if he were somewhere completely different, surrounded by completely different people.

When he opened his eyes, Pidge leapt out of her chair and came closer, pushing her glasses back onto her nose and trying to get as close to Keith as she could without pushing either Hunk or Shiro out of the way.

“Hey, Keith,” she said, her voice quavering. “It’s us, okay, it’s going to be oka-”

But their friend was staring at her in what could only be described as growing fear. He began to shake from head to foot, and he tried to shrink away from her.

“‘m not going to tell you _anything_ ,” he said, and even though they tried to convince him he was safe, Keith’s hallucinations were real, awful, and prolonged.

He went through a variety of situations, none of them pleasant.

“That one - I think - was visual,” Pidge murmured, and Siyni began scribbling down notes on a pad she’d picked up from one of the side tables. 

“Auditory,” Hunk whispered later when Keith started whimpering again, begging the voices to stop.

“I’m not - a traitor,” he said, and his breaths came harsh and fast. “I’m not - I’m not - I swear - please - you’ve got to believe me - please -”

“Sensation,” Lance managed to rasp when Keith tried to fight free of the spiders he thought were crawling up his arms, over his neck, and onto his face.

“Get them off me,” he sobbed, “please, get them off me, please, it hurts, it hurts, it’s like - fire - it hurts - _please_ -”

Siyni’s hand shook as she tried to keep up with the progression of the poison inside Keith’s mind.


	11. Chapter 11

Siyni decided after only five more minutes of observation that they needed to administer at least _three_ times the usual amount of antidote’s dosage, immediately.

“It's his only chance,” she said. “Princess, Advisor, Paladins, I need your help.”

They prepared the medicine, and then they did what they had to do.

* * *

Since no one else wanted to do it, Siyni sighed and took on the responsibility of making sure the boy didn’t bite his tongue off while they tried to save his life.

She hobbled over to the bed, wishing there was another way to do it, but they had no time to research what sorts of herbs or potions would allow a part-Galra to fall asleep for this procedure.

When she raised his head up, she knew that even though delirious, he would try to fight. 

It was in his nature.

But instead of seeing a fierce, cornered look in his eyes, she only saw someone young, and scared, and desperately afraid of what they were about to do.

“No,” he begged, and he sounded so young and scared it nearly broke her heart to hear it.

“Please, no, _please_ , I - ”

But she took careful, professional hold of his neck and chin, holding them such so that he couldn’t open his jaw, and then she held out her hand for the breathing mask. Even as she placed the mask over his face, the boy screamed, the sound muffled but still somehow defiant, and he twisted and kicked and thrashed as much as he could, his eyes gone hard and fierce despite the terror still in them.

Siyni shouldn’t have been surprised. The child had taken on a pack of wolves and survived, so of _course_ he had to be a fierce one, of course he had to be a fighter. 

And right now, he thought he was in danger.

* * *

So instead of trying to tell him it would be all right, she held the mask firmly over - Keith’s - _what a strange name -_ nose and mouth as the Lance and Hunk held down Keith’s right side, with Pidge and Shiro holding down his left. Coran and Allura used their syringes to administer the other two dosages through the correct veins in Keith’s arms.

Just as she told them all to hold him tight, regardless of what happened afterwards, Siyni looked down into the boy’s eyes, and she saw that they were wide and scared and tear-filled above the mask.

The boy’s eyes only stayed locked on hers for an instant, but in that instant, the old healer saw much behind those eyes. A quick wit, a sharp temper, but most of all, a great heart.

One that thought of others before himself, not out of a desire for praise or glory, but because he knew what it was like, to be ignored, forgotten, cast aside like an unwanted pet.

He knew, and he used that painful knowledge as fuel for the fire that burned deep within him.

He did not desire glory, or praise, or even long life.

All he desired was a place to _belong_ , and to be with people who cared for him as much as he cared for them.

She didn’t see a part-Galra traitor in the making.

She saw only a child who was fighting a battle against stronger foes, a battle that he had no chance of winning, because -

Because fighting battle after battle against overwhelming odds was all he had known until only very recently.

Beneath her hands, she felt the pulse in his neck beat faster, and faster, and faster, and then her old ears heard the pounding of his stubborn heart, _refusing_ to stop beating, no matter what the odds were against him, and suddenly, she _wanted_ to save this boy’s life. 

It was more than aiding the Princess now, just as it was one thing for a Paladin to fight out of a love for battle, and another thing entirely to fight out of a different motivation.

She had thought his bloodline defined him. 

But she had been wrong.

An instant later, the boy closed his eyes, clearly trying to shut out the fear and the pain he sensed was about to come, and the moment was over.

Even so, Siyni wished she could take back what she had said before, about him being unworthy to be a Paladin of Voltron, but trying to take back the past was as futile as trying to bring her loved ones' bodies back from the dust.

She could only act in the present, and so she choose to do just that.

* * *

When the first dose of medicine took its effect, Siyni expected the boy to scream in pain. She knew she would have, given similar circumstances.

But he did not. 

She looked down in startled puzzlement at his face, but his eyes were still squeezed tight shut, and for an instant, she thought perhaps he did not feel any discomfort.

Perhaps his bloodline did not allow for -

But under her fingertips, she felt his heart race even faster, his breath came quicker, and then she felt his vocal cords spasm once, then again, and _again_ as he began to buck and thrash against the hands that held him in place.

With a shock of realization, Siyni saw that the boy _was_ screaming, but _silently_.

A voice spoke inside her head, more a dawning realization than spoken words.

 _Clearly he’d learned long ago not to make any sound if he cried, even -_ **_no_ ** _-_ **_especially_ ** _\- when he was in pain._

* * *

Even as that thought crossed her mind, and all the questions that went with it, the second wave of medication pulsed through his system, and he jerked and shuddered as if an electrical current was passing through his body.

If she had not held his jaws tight shut, he would have lost his tongue for certain.

_Precious little comfort, that._

Just then, Siyni heard an awful, gasping cry tear itself from the boy’s throat. It was followed by another, and another, and another. 

Nearby, his friends cried out his name, but clearly, he could not hear their voices. The poison's effects were far too advanced for him to know anything except the pain existed.

Grimly, Siyni barked at the others to remain strong, that it was almost over.

* * *

Then the third and final wave of the medicine’s effects poured through him, and finally, Keith's attempts at endurance shattered into fragments. 

He no longer screamed, but he still bucked and twisted against the awful, searing pain that burned into his blood as it fought against the poison. 

After what felt like hours, his desperate attempts to break free grew weaker, fainter, and then ceased altogether as he slumped back onto the bed, going horribly still and quiet under their hands. 

Almost immediately, Siyni removed the mask, and the others bandaged the boy’s arms, and she saw that the boy’s eyes were open now, but sightless, staring, and  she sensed his mind was far away, so far away that a breath of air would send him into the great mystery of what came after this life. 

Someone else must have been crying too, because Siyni saw tears drop down onto the boy’s skin, and she knew, on a level so deep she could feel it in her bones, that she needed to say something, _now_ , or else the boy would simply cease to be here, and instead, he would go somewhere else, beyond any reach of either healer or medicine.

So the old healer clumsily moved the hair out of the boy’s eyes, as she had seen one of the others do, and said, very quietly, “You are needed, Keith."

When he did not respond, she glanced up at the others, and the full truth dawned upon her like the sun.

So she told him what she knew to be true.

"And - and most of all, you are _wanted_.”

From nearby, the one called Shiro let out what might have been a sob, and in a matter of heartbeats the others joined in, begging their friend to wake up, please, please, Keith, you’ve got to wake up -

 The words were all ones she had heard before - _so many times before_ \- but this time - 

This time, against all odds, the boy seemed to rally.

One of his fingers twitched, and at the sight, Shiro told the others to give the boy room, to give him space, but then something happened that none of them had expected.

A small red cat skidded through the doorway, and then immediately used both Allura and Coran as temporary perches so as to leap to its true destination - the spot on Keith's chest directly over his heart.

For a second, everyone just stared at it as it curled into a tight, small ball of red fluff, and then Lance stammered out a name.

"R-Red?"


	12. Chapter 12

For just an instant, there was stunned silence.

One of the Lions had just - _shrunk_ , and - and traveled out of its bay to find her Paladin.

_What was going on?_

Then other blurs of color appeared, each of them making for a single destination, and before Lance knew what was happening, a blue cat had tackled him around the legs, sending him crashing onto the floor, and a few seconds later, it was purring reassuringly as it wrapped itself lovingly around his face.

_It is all right. All will be well._

Meanwhile, a chubby yellow cat had pounced onto Hunk's lap and was doing its best to curl into a little round yellow mound of comfort against his chest, despite its size.

 _Purr, purr, purr_ , Lance heard it say, but Hunk was staring down at it as if it were speaking to him - 

_\- wait -_

"Uh -" Lance stammered, looking at Yellow's cat form as she continued to purr and try to nuzzle at his best friend's right hand, as if seeking a soothing pet or caress along her back. "C-can you hear your Lion, Hunk?"

Hunk only nodded, staring in wonder at the yellow cat as he began to pet her. She purred happily and arched her back under his hand, nuzzling the side of her face into his palm as he spoke. 

"Yeah - uh - she says - it's okay - that - that Red - and the rest of them - will take it from here - uh - "

His hand slowed temporarily, and Yellow batted at his palm in a half-playful, half-demanding gesture. 

_Pet me, Hunk. I desire to be petted._

He resumed petting her, and she settled back into his lap, purring contentedly and happily as he carefully ruffled her ears.

"Uh-" he said, but he was cut off as Pidge let out a squeak of confusion.

"Green! What are you _doing_?"

The cat/Lion of Voltron in question had perched itself on top of her head, and had slumped down in a relaxed posture so it's face was upside down in front of hers.

 _Meow_ , it said, quite regally. 

Then it turned, as smoothly and quickly as a twist of silk arching in the wind, and then it was on her lap, looking up at her, rubbing its head against her shoulder as if she desired to comfort her Paladin, as perhaps she did.

Pidge squawked again, but after only a second's hesitation, she raised one hand and stroked the cat's chin and throat gently, as if unsure of what to do.

"I have a _dog_ back at home," she hissed over at Lance when he raised his eyebrows at her. "I have _no_ idea what to do with a ca-"

But it seemed Green was pleased with Pidge's attention. Green purred and came to sit on the edge of one of Pidge's knees, as easy-going as any cat Lance had ever seen as her Paladin carefully petted her back.

* * *

That being said, the Black Lion was much, _much_ bigger than the other - cats? - of Voltron.

She was as big as a panther, and as she approached Shiro, she seemed to coil in upon herself, all rippling muscle and vibrant, yellow eyes.

Before anyone could move, in one swift movement she had curled herself around Shiro's chair and was nudging her head underneath his hand, as if _demanding_ he pet her, _immediately_.

After a startled silence, the four conscious Paladins looked at each other, each of them either cradling or petting their own minurature-sized Lion of Voltron.

"So..." Lance said. "Uh...what happens now?"

As if on cue, they all glanced over at Allura, even as she stepped forwards.

On Keith's chest, the Red Lion, still in her cat form, hissed and spat, and Allura immediately stopped in her tracks.

It was a few breaths before she spoke.

"I must -"

She cleared her throat, began again.

"I must - tell Keith - that I am sorry."

The Red Lion looked at her sidelong, as if trying to see past Allura's words and into her heart, and then, the Red Lion nodded, once. Still, she remained seated on Keith's chest, as if nothing - not even a sun's implosion - could move her from this spot.

 _He is **mine** ,_ Red growled at Allura. _And you had **no** cause to treat him so badly. I would **scratch** you, if he allowed it._

Allura took in a harsh gasp of air at that. 

"You - you mean - he - "

Red's reply was sullen, almost grumpy.

 _He has asked me **not** to - bu_ _t do not think I have gone **soft** , Daughter of Alfor! Were it not for my Paladin's **express** request I would have torn your hair from its roots long before n-_

 _Red,_ a different voice cut in. 

Allura thought she recognized it.

Black.

The Black Lion was speaking.

_Alfor's Daughter is still young. Allow her to speak before you act, yes? It is only fair._

Red spat and growled again, but after awhile she settled back down over Keith's chest. 

 _Very well,_ she grumbled _. But Alfor's Daughter must speak quickly. We do not have much time._

Allura nodded in thanks, both to Black, and to Red. Then she cleared her throat and spoke.

“I - I’m truly sorry, Keith. I had no right to treat you the way I did. If - if there’s anything I can do, to - to make it up to you - please. Just tell me what it is.”

* * *

For a long moment, nothing seemed to happen.

But then, Keith's eyes slitted open, and he seemed to be aware of his surroundings, if only a little.

Still crouched protectively over his heart, the Red Lion swished her tail from side to side, as if somewhat satisfied with the result.

 _Good,_ she meowed, her fierce yellow eyes unwavering. _It is a start - at least for now._


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened in the infirmary, from Keith's point of view.

Keith was only half-awake, but he knew that Shiro was nearby, but he was still afraid, so afraid he felt queasy.

_What was he afraid of?_

He needed to remember, he needed to know, because it wasn’t safe here, it wasn’t safe, they were in danger and if he didn’t remember where the danger was coming from, people were going to get hurt -

“Keith?”

 _That wasn’t Shiro’s voice, it was Lance - what was Lance doing here, didn’t he know it_ ** _wasn’t_** **_safe_** _?_

“Keith, buddy, you okay?”

Keith shook his head, because if he was with Lance, that meant Lance was in danger too, because Keith wasn’t a safe person to be around.

That was it, he’d _finally_ remembered, he was afraid of harming the other Paladins, of harming Coran or Allura, or the refugees, because - because he - wasn’t safe, he wasn’t safe to be around, something was wrong with him and he needed to warn them -

“Not safe,” he said, and he said it again, and again, and _again_ , because they needed to know, they needed to get _away_ from him. “Not safe, not safe, not safe-”

But no one listened, no one left the room, and he didn’t understand why they weren’t listening to him.

_\- please, you’ve got to listen to me, get out of here, you’ve got to get out -_

Now there were _noises_ , soft at first, but steadily growing louder, screams and mechanical clicking and laser fire, and the noises just kept getting louder, and _louder_ -

_Please, get out of here, please, you’re in danger, please, get out, get out -_

But soon the pain got so bad that all he could do was beg Shiro to make the noises stop, but Shiro didn’t understand, he didn’t understand - why didn’t he understand, couldn’t he hear it too, it was _right there_ , just outside the door, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, but Keith couldn’t do anything except try not to cry -

_Please, it hurts, please, make it stop, please, make the voices stop -_

Shiro was telling him it was going to be okay, but Keith couldn’t believe him, because -

_It’s not okay, it’s not okay, it hurts, it hurts, I can’t - I can’t - please - Shiro -_

All he wanted was to _rest_ , but the noises wouldn’t stop, they just kept getting closer, horrible scrabbling sounds like claws on stone, coming closer, and closer, and _closer_.

“Shiro,” Keith whimpered, “please, it’s coming, please, don’t let it get me - _please_ -”

Shiro told him that he was going to be okay, that nothing would take him away, but Keith’s head ached and throbbed and then, for one awful moment, his entire world went dark. 

* * *

He couldn’t see or hear _anything_.

Sweat trickled down his back, and he thought that maybe this was it, that the monster had finally caught up to him. 

Pain still throbbed behind his eyes, and when at last he was able to see again, he felt terror rise up in his throat, nearly choking him.

He was in a Galra ship, surrounded by Druids. Keith looked desperately around for a way out, but there was none, and then _Haggar_ was coming towards him, her eyes glowing, claws outstretched as if to stroke his face.

 _Welcome, Paladin,_ she said. _You shall tell us all you know about your companions._

Keith shrank away from her, trying not to show how scared he was, but failing. 

Haggar stopped walking forwards, and a slow, sharp-toothed smile stretched across her face as if she were a snake.

_You are one of us, are you not?_

Keith could barely get the words out, but he stammered that he wasn’t going to tell her _anything_.

The witch’s smile did not waver.

_A pity._

Then pain exploded behind his temples once more, and he had to slam his eyes shut and bite back a scream, because it felt as if an ancient Greek goddess of knowledge was hammering away at his skull -

_\- oh god - was this - the best - he could do - seconds away from torture and - all he could do - was come up with - lame - mythology - jokes -_

But his weak attempt to distract himself from the pain didn’t work for long. It was too much, too all-encompassing, and now it felt as if his blood were turning into fire behind his eyes.

 _-_ **_hurts_ ** _-_ **_hurts_ ** _-_ **_hurts_** _-_

Someone shook him by one shoulder, but Keith didn’t know who it was, because he had to keep his eyes tight shut, had to ignore the whispers all around him, because these words were like barbed arrows, aimed right at his heart, and every one of them hit their mark.

 _Traitor. Snake. Usurper. Traitor. Traitor._ **_Traitor._**

 “I’m _not_ ,” he said, and he couldn’t keep himself from trembling, because he wasn’t sure of much anymore. “I’m n-not - I s-swear - p-please-”

 _Is that a human custom? To_ **_repeat_  ** _oneself?_

The memory of those words at that moment were worse than a physical blow. Keith tried and failed to push the memory away, because no matter what he did, or what he said, it was never enough, it could never be enough. 

Although he would have given his life for her, Allura would _never_ trust him again - how could she - he was everything she hated, everything she despised -

_He hadn’t meant to lie to her, he hadn’t meant to hurt the people he cared most for, but -_

There was noise around him, voices, but he couldn’t hear them clearly, and when he tried to listen, the fear and anxiety only pulsed louder through him, making him shudder as the skin crawled on the back of his neck. 

_A memory surfaced, a faint one, a cruel trick someone had played on him years ago at summer camp when he was very little._

_An older kid hadn’t liked him, thought he was too quiet, so he’d thrown a jar of spiders at Keith, and it had struck him on the shoulder, and before he even knew what was happening, the horrible, creepy, hairy things were all over his back and his neck._

_Keith had screamed and tried to get them off him, but they were too fast, and within seconds the spiders had gotten into his hair and underneath his shirt, and they’d began to bite him, and he’d panicked, because there were too many of them, and he’d -_

_He’d jumped into the lake and almost drowned before a counselor had pulled him out - but the bites just kept hurting - and hurting - and - and-_

_Pain. Pain. Pain._

It seared through him, growing worse, and worse, and worse, just like had so long ago.

* * *

Although Keith knew he should just stay quiet, he couldn’t keep from whimpering, because it felt like it was happening _all over_ again, and it hurt, it hurt and he was scared and he wanted someone, anyone, to help him, but no one was coming, no one was coming to help him-

_People laughed when he was scared - they laughed - or they ignored him - it didn’t matter which - it still meant no one came - it still meant no one cared -_

So at first, Keith just kept his eyes tight shut and tried to remain silent and still, but when the pain became impossible to ignore, he tried to wrench away from it, tried to fight free of the spiders, but even as he did so, he did his best to remain quiet, because he’d learned a long time ago that no one wanted to hear if he was pain. 

_There were more important things to focus on, and he was lucky to be housed and fed and he should shut up and do as he was told -_

But the pain went on, and on, and on, searing through his blood like a fire. It was by far the worst pain he’d ever experienced, and he couldn’t keep from crying then, because it _hurt_ , it hurt so much, but the pain didn’t stop -

He felt someone’s hand slide underneath his neck, as if to steady him. That both scared and startled Keith, and he felt his spine stiffen, because _who was here,_ who was holding his head still - what were they going to do to him -

He opened his eyes just in time to see the old woman who’d told him that Allura should be the Red Paladin standing beside the infirmary cot, one hand underneath his neck. The old woman seemed grimly intent on accomplishing a task. He tried to pull away from her grip, found that he couldn’t. She clearly knew what she was doing.

_He was in danger, he had to get away, but maybe there was time, maybe he could still call for help before -_

But when he tried to cry out, his voice wouldn’t work the way he wanted it to. All he manage was a whisper.

 _“_ No _-p-please- no -”_

The lights were too bright, and his head hurt too much to notice many details about the room, but he could see that Allura was standing near the door. At that sight, his breath caught in his throat and came out as a sob instead.

He knew Allura wouldn’t listen, but he tried asking her for help anyway, _because he didn’t want to be here_ , he was scared and he didn’t know what was going on, and once, not so long ago, she’d been his friend.

_Please - I’m sorry - please - don’t let her hurt me - Allura - please - I’m sorry -_

But when he tried to speak, there was just too much to say, and he couldn’t get more than a few clumsy words out before before the old woman took action to stop him.

“ - _please_ -"

Allura didn’t come any closer, and he still couldn’t see her face clearly. He knew he was breathing too quickly, that his stammer was getting in the way, but his heart was pounding inside his chest, and he tried one last time to reach out to the Princess of Altea.

“ - I - I -”

Mid-word, the old woman tilted his head up so that he faced the ceiling, and once his head was in that position, she kept her hand lightly but firmly pressed beneath his chin. It didn’t hurt, not exactly, but now he wasn’t able to speak, and that scared him. 

He swallowed back another sob and tried to twist away from the old woman’s grip, but she kept applying _just_ enough pressure to make it impossible for him to move his head, or open his jaw.

Someone - Allura, probably - said it was fine, but Keith didn’t believe her, because he couldn’t see anything with his head tilted up like this, with these harsh lights above him, so harsh that he had to close his eyes, to prevent his headache from getting even worse.

It didn’t do much good. He could still sense the bright white light through his closed eyelids.

Keith swallowed again, trying to order his thoughts, but it so difficult. His head still throbbed with pain, and it hurt enough where he wished they would turn off the lights, but it wasn’t like they were going to do that, now, were they?

_None of this made sense. Unless…unless…_

_Was this going to be an interrogation?_

* * *

Keith thought of what they might do to him, and he shivered in fear. He wanted to tell them they didn’t need to do this, they _didn’t_ - 

 _-all they had to do was ask, and he’d tell them anything he could, he was on their side,_ **_he was on their side_** _, they didn’t need to do this, please,_ **_please_ ** _\- Allura - don’t do this -_

He knew he was breathing too quickly, but although he tried to take in measured breaths, his heart still pounded like a drum inside his chest. He didn’t dare open his eyes again, but it didn’t sound like Allura had come any closer.

_Where was Shiro?_

_Where were the others?_

_Could they make it here before -_

Just then, something clamped down over his nose and mouth, and on instinct, Keith opened his eyes to see that the old woman was holding some kind of mask over his face - and it reminded him of hospitals, back on Earth, when he’d been put under for surgery.

Keith felt himself go cold with fear.

 _Oh, god - they were going to cut him open - no -_ **_no_ ** _-_

The air he was breathing in already tasted like medicine, and it was then that Keith panicked.

He thrashed, bucked, fought as hard as he could to break free, trying to keep from breathing in any more of the contaminated air.

So this had been Allura’s plan - to get him alone - away from the others - knock him out and - dissect him like he was a specimen - that could help her learn more about the Galra - learn more about how to kill the race she hated so damn much - 

With the mask over his face, his words couldn’t really be heard, but he screamed at Allura all the same.

 _No, no, nononononononono, I’m not an experiment, I’m not, I’m not, I’m_ **_not_ ,** _let go let go_ **_letmego!_**

* * *

The sedative was beginning to work now, but Keith didn’t care, he was going to get away from here and if that meant fighting the sedation he would do it, he would do it and he wouldn’t care what happened -

 _He wasn’t going to go down without fighting, damn it, he_ **_wasn’t_ ** _-_

Then, all at once, _more_ hands were holding him down, pinning into place, and when he saw who it was, he _almost_ stopped fighting back, because it _hurt_ to know that Lance wanted to keep Keith here, where he was scared and almost out of his mind with terror at what Allura and her allies had in store for him.

 _no - Lance - please - I’m not a traitor - I’m not I’m not I_ **_swea_ r** _\- please -_

He _had_ to get out, he _had_ to get away from here, and if Lance wanted to keep him here - Keith would have to - he’d be forced - to -

 _ **Kill him** , _A voice inside his mind said. It sounded a lot like Haggar’s voice _. **He’s in your way.**_

Keith swallowed, feeling _sick_ , not just because of the medicine this time, but because he didn’t want to hurt Lance - Lance had a _family_ waiting for him - and Lance was - his friend - 

 _ **Kill him, now, and get away,**_ the voice said again, but Keith shook his head, because _no_ , Lance was his _friend -_ _or at least - Keith had thought he was - but-_

No, he couldn’t do it, he just couldn’t hurt his friend, so instead, he tried asking Lance to let him go.

 _\- please - Lance - please - let me go - they’re going to hurt me -_ **_please_ ** _-_

But Lance only swallowed, shook his head, and held onto Keith’s right arm tighter, keeping it in place.

* * *

Realizing that Lance wasn’t going to help him escape hurt Keith worse than he could have ever thought possible.

Lance wasn’t going to let him go - Lance, who would listen when no one else would - but - _why_ -

_Lance - why - why are you doing this - I thought - I thought we were friends -_

Lance swallowed again, and he shot a glare back towards Allura, but he still didn’t let go of Keith.

Keith wished he could just wake up and find that this was all a bad dream, but he knew it wasn’t, because by now, he would have woken up.

There wasn’t any _time_ , he had to get out of here, _now_ , because the medicine tasted even stronger now, and he didn’t want to go under, he didn’t, because if he did, he might never wake up -

But as he tried to get his legs under him, he saw that Pidge was holding onto his left ankle, making it much harder for Keith to try and get away. 

_Katie - why are you - why are you doing this - please - please let me go -_

But the light now reflected off of Pidge’s glasses in a way that was…terrifying…and it _scared_ him, because they’d joked about it once, how she could do the whole ‘threatening anime glasses glare’ if the lighting was right - but now it wasn’t funny, it wasn’t funny at all -

 _He_ _was just - he was just another experiment to her - a way for her to know her enemy - so she could - so she could get her real brother back -_

It was all he could do not to start crying as he realized the truth. He felt his lip begin to tremble, but although his head pounded with pain, he couldn’t be angry at her. It hurt too much to be angry at her.

_Pidge - I’m sorry - please - I swear - I didn’t know - please - please don’t do this -_

Pidge took in a harsh breath as if she’d been punched in the stomach, and when she did, her hair fell over her face so Keith couldn’t see her eyes anymore. 

* * *

Now Hunk stood across from her, right next to Lance, and his big strong engineer hands were putting gentle but steady pressure on either side of Keith’s right knee, keeping his right leg firmly in place.

 _‘People underestimate how important joints are’,_ Hunk had told him once _. But the knee is one of the most complex ones humans have, and if it can’t move, you’re not going anywhere.’_

Keith could only swallow back another sob as he tried to make eye contact with the Yellow Paladin. 

 _…Hunk…no…not…not you too…please…_ **_please_ ** _let me go…_

Hunk was as pale as a sheet, but he averted his eyes from Keith, and he said something over his shoulder to the two Alteans. 

Realizing he was trapped, Keith began to shake and quiver with fear. He couldn’t help it. 

He was just too afraid and in too much pain, and none of the other Paladins would even look at him now, and the fear made it difficult to think.

_Why wouldn’t they look at him?_

_Did - did they hate him too?_

* * *

Despite the unshed tears that blurred his vision, Keith could see that the Alteans were talking to each other, and that each of them held - something sharp - something metallic - 

In sheer desperation, he tried to get free one last time, tried to dislodge Katie’s grip on his left side, because _this was his last chance_ , he knew that now, but even as he struggled, that  chance was gone, because…

Because now _Shiro_ was standing beside Pidge, and he was holding onto Keith’s left shoulder, helping Lance and the other Paladins keep Keith still. 

Keith knew they couldn’t hear him clearly behind the mask, but he tried anyway, like he had with the others, because Shiro would listen - he had to - he had to - 

 _Please, I don’t want to be here, please, Shiro, please,_ **_please_ ** _-_

But when Shiro didn’t let him go, Keith’s last hope of escape died away like the embers of a fire, and before he could stop himself, he let out a whimper and tried one last time to catch the eyes of the other Paladins, but still, _none_ of them would look back at him. 

For an awful, timeless instant, Keith thought the pain of this betrayal would kill him.

_He couldn’t do anything to defend himself._

_He was completely helpless._

* * *

 

As the two Alteans came closer, Keith couldn’t swallow back the tears anymore, and before he could stop himself, he felt his breath leave him in a sob. His head throbbed with pain, his heart ached, and he wished he were already dead.

He didn’t want to show how scared he was, but his whole body was trembling now, his heart pounding in his chest. His head ached, ached, _ached_ , enough to make his eyes tear up again, and he felt sick and dizzy at the light and the sound and the noise going on around him.

_No, please, no, I can’t, I can’t do this, please, please, just let me go -_

He didn’t understand why his team would do this, why they were going to hold him down as the Alteans cut him open - 

Terror flooded through him at that thought, and he tried one last time to break free, but then the old woman still holding the mask over his face placed her other hand onto his forehead, keeping him from looking anywhere but up towards the ceiling.

“Whatever happens next,” the old woman holding the mask over his face said, “hold him tight.”

When Keith looked back at her, their gazes locked for an instant.

Then he tore his gaze away from hers and closed his eyes.

_He didn’t want to see what she thought of him._

But Keith made sure not to make any sound when he started crying. 

There wasn’t any point to it.

No one was going to listen to him.

* * *

Keith hadn’t shed tears like this in _years._

To do so meant showing weakness that could - and _would_ \- be exploited. He knew that from long, hard experience.

He hadn’t wanted to cry in front of anyone ever again, least of in front of people who wanted to see what a half-Galra’s blood looked like.

But _why_?

Why do this to him _now_?

How long had they hated him?

Had it been ever since they’d discovered Keith was part-Galra? 

_Part of the race who’d tortured the Kerberos crew for over a year?_

_The race who had taken everything from the Alteans, and so many others?_

Keith hadn’t thought Shiro was angry at him for that, but…but maybe he was…maybe they all were…

_So many lives had been lost._

_So much harm had been done._

_Someone had to answer for it._

_He just hadn’t thought…that...they would want it to be him._

As he took in a shuddering intake of air, Keith thought about _screaming_ at all of them, screaming and cursing and swearing but he couldn’t, because he wasn’t angry at them.

He wished he _could_ be angry with them, but this - this wasn’t anger. Anger was a driving force, a burning fire burning that gave him purpose and strength when he felt it.

This was different. His heart hurt too much.

This was despair.

* * *

_Allura had been right._

_They’d all been right._

_Who would ever want someone like him on the team?_

_He wasn’t worthy to be Red’s Paladin._

* * *

_He didn’t belong anywhere._

_No one wanted him._

* * *

In her bay, the Red Lion’s eyes lit up with golden light.

* * *

A few moments later, when he heard Coran step forwards, Keith tried to ignore it, but he couldn’t keep himself from shaking as he felt the Royal Advisor’s hands took hold of his right arm. 

_Were they going to cut his arm off, like the Galra had done to Shiro?_

He’d tried to hide his fear for as long as possible, but when Lance readjusted his grip to keep the Red Paladin’s arm still, Keith couldn’t hold back another whimper. He hadn’t meant to beg or plead, but the thought of them taking his arm made him nauseous, and he knew he wasn’t going to be able to get through this without screaming.

_He just wanted to get away, please, he didn’t want to be here, please, Shiro, please -_

“Hurry, Coran,” Lance said. His voice seemed to shaking almost as much as Keith’s arm was. “He’s - he’s really freaking out - here-”

Coran’s voice was steady. “Won’t take a minute. I’ve done this before.”

When the cold metal pierced his skin, his arm hurt, just a little at first, but within a few seconds, the site of the injection grew acutely painful. 

Keith knew he should just stay quiet and still, but he couldn’t.

It wasn’t dignified, it wasn’t brave, it wasn’t anything he’d ever wanted to be, but Keith began to cry even harder, still keeping his eyes tight shut, wishing he could turn his face turned away from the people around him.

By the time the injection was over, Keith was sweating and breathing even more quickly then before. He already felt _much_ worse - cold, and hot, and sick, all at once.

 _This wasn’t medicine, this was poison, they were poisoning him…_ ** _why_ ** _…_

Voices were murmuring somewhere above his head, but his head hurt too much to understand what they were saying, and he still couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down his face, because this all was too much, he was scared, but no one was going to let him go.

Then other footsteps came closer, and he could tell from the pace and the length of the stride that it was Allura. 

What little remained of Keith’s self-control broke, and he begged Allura not to do this, please, please, _please_ , but Shiro only gripped his arm tighter when he tried to get away.

_Allura - please - I'm sorry - I'm sorry - please -_

When he felt her fingers touch his skin, he caught his breath in fear and tried to twist away from her, onto his side, but the hands holding him in place still wouldn’t let him go.

_She was going to do something to him, and it was going to hurt, and he couldn’t get away from her. But - m_ _aybe - maybe if he held still, she would go away._

So he tried to hold still, but it wasn’t enough, because then cold metal - a second syringe, maybe? -  bit into his left arm, and it hurt even _more_ than the other one had, and he couldn’t bite back another keening whimper of fear. This time the pain was astronomically worse, and it went on, and on, and _on_ , and eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore.

_It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, please, please let me go -_

Keith couldn’t remember pain worse than this, and he _hated_ himself for letting everyone see him cry, but he couldn’t have stopped the tears even if he’d wanted to, because these people around him weren’t his friends.

He _never_ should have thought they were.

* * *

When his blood began to burn, Keith did his best to remain silent, but he couldn’t keep his heart rate from accelerating, or his muscles from trembling.

He was used to pain, he’d gone through a lot of it, mostly on his own, but eventually it hurt too much, and he did scream.

Even after he ran out of breath for screaming, he kept trying to break free.

Only after he had exhausted himself completely did he feel his mind finally begin to drift away.

_It hurt, but what else was new, that was a just given, now._

But at last, he was just too tired to care.

He wanted to rest.  

* * *

Someone moved his hair out of his eyes, but Keith didn’t want anyone to be near him.

 _Go away_ , he thought. 

_Leave me alone._

 But now that someone was talking.

* * *

“…most of all, you are _wanted_ …”

* * *

 Keith didn’t remember who that voice belonged to, but he thought it seemed vaguely familiar.

It sounded different this time, though.

_…kinder, maybe…but…that didn’t mean they were telling the truth._

_How could anyone want_ **_him?_**

_He was…part-Galra…his own mother had left him…and now…even…Allura hated him…he’d seen it in her eyes…heard it in her silence…and…and Red hadn’t…said anything…when…_

Then other voices were saying his name, begging him to wake up.

_…but…Red wasn’t saying…anything…where was…Red…_

Keith tried to open his eyes, but he was so tired, he couldn’t even manage that.

The voices seemed to rise in volume, but it was hard to tell. Everything was slipping away, light and sound and thought all fading away, out of his reach.

_Was he dying…? Was…this it…?_

It felt a lot like falling asleep.

* * *

What happened next was difficult to describe.

One moment, Keith was falling asleep. 

The next moment, there was a scuffling sound somewhere near the floor, and then - somehow - Red’s voice sounded inside his mind.

Keith wasn’t sure how that had happened. It was confusing, but strangely comforting to sense sense Red nearby.

**My Paladin, you must not fall asleep just yet.**

Without warning, a small feline body landed lightly onto his chest, and Red’s voice seemed to be _tiny_ now…which was weird…but Keith felt better now that Red was here with him.

…wait…what was that about scratching Allura…?

_Red, no, don’t do that -_

**_Why not?!_ **

Keith wasn’t sure how, but he sensed that Red was in no mood to easily cooperate, so he settled for simple thought communication.

_Just - don’t, okay?_

Red’s reply was, in a word, _grumpy_.

**_Fine._ **

Red’s tone changed. It seemed to be growing in urgency.

**My Paladin, you must wake up. _Now_.**

_But…Red…I’m tired…_

Something that could only be a cat’s paw landed on his face. It was gentle, like the cat - wait - was Red a cat now? - wanted to wake Keith up but didn’t want to startle him.

**You must awaken. I cannot let you sleep just yet.**

Keith would have jolted awake if he’d had the energy for it. As it was, he felt slightly confused, but mostly exhausted.

_…Red…_

Then Red - _or at least Keith was pretty certain it was Red_ \- touched noses with him and spoke again, very slowly, as if to a sleepy kitten.

**My. Paladin. I. am. here. to. help. you. wake. up.**

Keith would have looked askance at Red if he’d had the energy to open his eyes. As it was, he would have smirked if he’d been able to do more than think his rather snarky response. 

_But. I. Want. To. Sleep._

Red’s answer was not quite a growl, but it was not quite a purr either. It seemed a very sardonic tone of voice, for a cat.

**Then I just invented a new use of quintessence resurgence for naught.**

Keith wasn’t sure what that meant, but the words were long and too complex for him to understand.

There was a sigh from Red, and then the small feline nose was nuzzling the side of Keith’s face.

**Here. Let me show you.**

At that, Keith felt some energy returning to him, as if someone were…sharing life energy with him.

_…Red…is this…is this something you’re doing?_

It might have been his imagination, but Keith could have sworn Red’s tone took on a very pleased purring cadence.

**Yes.**

_…how…?_  
****

**You should already know. It is because I am _magnificent_.**

Then the voice turned practical.

**And, this way seemed better than lying on top of your head until you awoke, since you are not yet well enough for that.**

Red seemed to preen, just slightly, as she continued **. You see, my Paladin? I am also thoughtful and considerate. Truly, you are in good paws.**

At that, Keith felt some of his awareness return.

_Wait…what?_

The cat - okay so somehow Red was in cat form right now - shifted its weight so that it sat on top of Keith’s chest, its nose balanced on Keith’s chin. What felt like a tiny red paw batted at his chin affectionally.

**My cub. It is simple. Our quintessences mirror each others. You are injured. I intend to stay until you are fully recovered.**

_…but…but why didn’t you answer me before?_

Red took a moment to answer.

**You needed aide that I could not give. If I had let you into the pilot’s chair, your friends might not have found you in time.**

Something that for all the world felt like a cat’s whiskers tickled Keith’s face again. He could just imagine Red leaning in towards Keith’s own nose, big cat eyes wide open and intent.

**But now, I _can_ help. So I shall.**

A few seconds later, the somewhat mystical and timeless moment between Lion and Paladin was only slightly derailed when Red’s weight shifted again, and her two front paws began batting rhythmically at the hair in front of Keith’s face in what seemed to be a half-playful, half-purposeful manner.

**My cub, your mane is quite unruly. I shall now tame it for you.**

_Gee,_ **_thanks_ ,** _Red._

A magnanimous purr resounded throughout Keith’s mind.

**You are welcome, my Paladin.**

* * *

Dimly, Keith could make out other voices nearby. 

_…are the other Lions here, too?_

Red’s voice seemed preoccupied. The paws had not ceased batting gently but insistently at Keith’s hair. It was strangely soothing, maybe the Red Lion’s way of showing affection, masked as simple play.

**Yes.**

_…uh…is that…normal?_

If a cat could mentally shrug, Red did so.

**Apparently we are capable of many unexpected things.**

If he'd had the energy, Keith might have smiled.

_...so...you can shapeshift..or...at least...size..shift..that's..pretty neat...Red..._

Red's reply seemed to be just a little bit smug.

 **Well, _I_ thought of it first. But, in all fairness, each of us wished to** **ensure our Paladins’ well-being, so -**

Then Red’s voice stopped, and within a heartbeat, her position changed.

For a second, fear and a sense of loss speared through Keith.

Was she going to leave?

 _…Red…?_ he asked, but her answer was immediate as she settled onto his chest again, curling into a tight ball directly over his heart.

**A moment, my cub. Alfor’s Daughter approaches. I must warn her off before I do something…rash.**

Keith felt confused. 

_…you would…do that…? But…I thought -_

Red’s mental voice sounded…oh, wow. 

Red was _really_  pissed at Allura.

**You have asked me not to harm her, and you are My Paladin.**

Then Keith remembered how Red had wanted to scratch Allura on his behalf. He felt strangely comforted. 

Red was willing to take on anyone - literally _anyone_ \- for him. 

 _Wow_. 

There was a rumbling sound from Red, and it was…

It was a purr.

Red was purring, just for him.

 **Yes, my cub.** She said. **I should have thought you would know that by now.**

Keith felt even more tired now, but he managed a weary mental smile.

_…’ve never been…a very fast learner…when it comes to people…Red…_

Red’s voice was 

**Well, then. It is fortunate that I am a Lion.**

* * *

When Keith didn’t respond right away, he felt Red stir in concern.

**My Paladin, please, try to open your eyes.**

Keith tried, but it was harder than he thought it would be. He was just so _tired_.

When Red spoke again, her voice was still gentle and encouraging.

**You can do it, my cub. I know you can. Try again.**

This time, Keith managed to open one eye, but he wasn’t able to keep it open for very long.

 **That was well done, my cub**. Red purred. **Now, concentrate. I will help you stay awake for a short time longer**. 

Red’s tone changed as she went on. There was the hint of a growl in it now, aimed at someone other than Keith. **The Princess has something she must tell you, and it is of the utmost importance.**  
****

Keith hesitated. _Red…I already know what Allura thinks of me…I don’t…_

On his chest, the cat rumbled another purr. 

**Please, cub. Trust me. She wishes to apologize.**

Keith swallowed, but he managed to concentrate long enough to hear what Allura said next.

 **My cub, if you are able, try to give a sign that you heard her,** Red purred. **If you can not, I will speak for you.**

Keith concentrated on trying to open his eyes, but he couldn’t get them open.

 _…you’ll…have to do it for me, Red_ … he thought. _I…I’m really tired…_

Red settled more securely into her position, swishing her tail from side to side.

**Very well, my cub. I shall.**


End file.
